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Rohleder- Red Pencil

Page history last edited by PBworks 13 years, 2 months ago

Group #1

Revise this passage so that it is more engaging!

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Raymond the scientist flipped in joy at the park.  He saw a 4 headed monkey that made him feel ecstatic.


Group #2

Revise this passage so that it is more engaging!el

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The small animal  rat came fell aimlessly  out of its  house through space.  It smelled hopped something in theon  a commet  air  that made it scared and road dowm to earth.

 


Group #3

Revise this passage so that it is more engaging!

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 The wrinkled man wentlimped to the Vision Center store.He was almost blind so he couldn't find identify his new pair of glasseswhat he  wanted , so he left because the eye doctor was on a lunch break.


 

Group #4

Revise this passage so that it is more engaging!

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 The car white navigator was making sounded like static coming from a broken radio. strange  noise. Justin decided to fix it, but things went wrong he didn't have the right tools!!!


Group #5

Revise this passage so that it is more engaging!

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Mr. Hoffman was happy jumping with joy.  He had gotten received a visit from a college roomate that had been gone missing for a long time 11 years.

 

 


Group #6

Revise this passage so that it is more engaging!

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The wind hurricane was blowing whistling on a cold dark day.  Bridget didn't want to go into outside the storm but felt like she had to rescue her pets.

 

 

 

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